New things always lead me to reflection–new years, new months, even something as mundane as a new week.
I love it when a new month’s beginning falls on a weekend. The opportunities for contemplation are all the richer.
Today I began the day with the intention of focusing on myself. On my value, my worth, and my happiness. Sadly, the more I focused on those things, the more I realized that lately, I had been devaluing those things–ignoring them, prioritizing the needs and wants of others over those of my own.
It’s easy to do. You want to finish something at work, so you stay late. You want to help someone, so you make a choice (with the best of intentions) that denies one of your legitimate needs or wants–sleep, rest, relaxation.
Selfish, selfless; selfish, selfless. I struggle to hold these two things in balance. But lately, I’ve been being too selfless.
There are some people who will tell you there’s no such thing. I disagree.
The fact is, I matter. I am part of the web of cosmic existence. I am part of the web of humanity. And when I make myself suffer, all of humanity suffers with me.
So today has been all about self-care.
I have eaten what and when I have wanted to. I hiked. I talked to my dear brother about many things, things we both value and can discuss in harmony.
And, as silly as it sounds, before writing this blog post, I wrote a letter to myself. A letter to help me clear my head, open my heart, and focus my intention. And you know what I have decided? I’ve decided… I matter.
I’ve struggled with how to say what is really on my heart the past few weeks. I even skipped a post–something I told myself I ‘wasn’t allowed’ but also ‘was allowed’ to do. I’ve struggled because I don’t want this to come across as self-indulgent, self-absorbed, or… well… anything negative.
But I finally decided to write it because… this isn’t about me. It’s about humanity. It’s a backlash against self-denial, self-hatred, and self-loathing. This isn’t about me… because we are all valuable as individuals. We all matter.
Sometimes we don’t give yourselves permission to think like that. And so I decided to post this because… someone out there somewhere needs the same reminder I did. That they matter. That they are valuable. That it’s not right to sacrifice your own happiness on any altar.
So, dear readers: do something to show yourself your own value. To love… yourself.